Tuesday, June 16, 2009

curls curls curls....:)

I love curls!

Curls makes me feel different. They make me feel like tossing out my makeup bag, my razors, my bras, my designer jeans, and donning a flowing skirt and chasing the eternal primal beat. Less drastically perhaps, they make me feel like it is officially summer. They feel good.

The last few days all the sweet comments about my curls reminded me of 2nd grade when my Mom had the great idea that a perm was the perfect 'do for her seven-year-old to sport on the playground. Little did she (or I) know that I would grow into a curly-Q ~ au natural, ~ one day.

I have my dear friend Kacie to thank for the recent haircut that made my curls perk up like I have never seen before. If you're down in the LA area, visit The Doves and ask for Mrs. Hengler. She is so talented and simply a delight!

And, go natural this summer. It feels so good! :)

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Celebration!

It's not uncommon that I read an autobiography or a narrative and find myself lost in someone's writing; their stream of conscious, infectious, rambling thoughts. And when I say lost, I don't mean lost in time or place, like I miss a coffee date or burn the cookies, but rather more of a loss of self. I find that I can identify with certain people to the point that I lose the sense of whose thoughts they originally were- written or otherwise. I have a few friends like this and I call them kindred spirits. And, I have a few authors like this. I'm not sure what I call them.

(*Sidenote* the loss of self that I truly desire is to the magnification of Christ, but this kind of human connection is all part of the tapestry, I think. Empathy. Common narrative. Relationship. Think about it!;)

Over the last couple months, Shauna Niequist has been added to the list. I have spent many long afternoons savoring the sweetness that is Cold Tangerines. It is her first book, I believe, and is a beautiful inauguration into the published world, in my opinion.

Yes, there are a number of reasons that I should relate to Shauna. We both spent a number of years of growth and becomingness at an idyllic little spot in the foothills of Montecito being instructed and poured into by some of the finest lovers of God and knowledge that you can find on a college campus. We both could be found at one point scampering from the beach to class and back on any given Tuesday or dancing the night away in a dorm of delirious girls. We had a similar gestation of formative years. Added to that, we share some of the same struggles and yearnings and upper-middle-class preoccupations, but it goes a lot deeper than even that, really. She pulls out and teases up and explicates and allegorizes what the French call Joie de vivre and the Greeks call Kefi and relates that joy and passion to our Creator, who calls us, His creation, good. She finds the smallest reasons in life for celebration, for consideration, for feeling...and the largest- Him. His faithfulness. His gift to us. This life- His death- and a duty and privilege to glorify Him in how we celebrate both. In a seamless, intricate web kind of way.

This description can simply not do her justice. You must read Shauna yourself. Page 178 may very well be the climax of her book, but I promise, reading the climax before the beginning will not ruin anything. So, enjoy...


Now we're talking about celebration. Celebration when you're calling the shots. Easy. Celebration when your plan is working? Anyone can do that. But when you realize that the story of your life could be told a thousand different ways, that you could tell it over and over as a tragedy, but you choose to call it an epic, that's when you start to learn what celebration is. When what you see in front of you is so far outside of what you dreamed, but you have the belief, the boldness, the courage it call it beautiful instead of calling it wrong, that's celebration.

When you can invest yourself deeply and unremittingly in the life that surrounds you instead of declaring yourself out of the game once and for all, because what's happened to you is too bad, too deep, too ugly for anyone to expect you to move on from, that's that good, rich place. That's the place where the things that looked for all intents and purposes like curses start to stand up and shimmer and dance, and you realize with a gasp that they may have been blessings all along. Or maybe not. Maybe they were curses, in fact, but the force of your belief and your hope and your desperate love for life as it is actually unfolding, has brought a blessing from a curse, like water from a stone, like life from a tomb, like the actual story of God over and over.


...and CELEBRATE! :)

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Dum, dum, dum

A couple months ago, DJ and I had a crazy idea to buy some drums one night and start a drum circle. The drums have been whipped out at a few different hang out seshs since, to the surprise and delight of many and it seems like more and more people are catching the tribal fever! ;)

A few weeks had gone by since I connected with my primal nature and I just had the itch. I heard there may be a drum circle at the Invisible Children event this weekend so I asked my friend and co-worker Amber to come along with me in search of the beat...

Although there was no drumming to be found at The Rescue (which was a really sweet event, so check it out!), we did not despair. I whipped out my trusty iPhone (the same one that got us the drums in the first place!) and found a Drum circle listed on SB Independent Events, every Saturday from 5-8 right on the beach! Eureka!

When we got there Amber just kept saying things like "I can't believe you're serious" and "Are we really going to do this?" right up until the point that we plopped down amongst the bearded men and bohemian dancers. Amber caught on really quickly and more than anything just humored my childish excitement through the whole thing- thanks for rolling with it Ambular! ;)

I loved the crew of people that this thing drew...some classic tree-hugging and tie-dye wearing, and others, salty-seadog retirees. Amber and I kind of stuck out like a sore thumb in our cute sundresses and big grins (at least on me), but the guys were so friendly and everyone shares their drums and chats between sets. This one guy even busted out a Tai Chi/chant/animalistic dance, which was kinda weird, but yeah....

A lot of people just hang out around the periphery and listen and bask in the sun and the ocean air. It was such a gorgeous day! I'm stoked to have found yet another thing I LOVE about this place! I'll definitely be going back so let me know if you want to join me! So fun!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

It's time...

After an awesome run with two wonderful tri-divas and friends early this morning, I finally decided to commit myself to re-entering the sport. Watching Amy and Janey run the UCSB Olympic a few weeks ago really stirred me up and I have been hitting the beach, the trails, and the bike trying to gear myself up to train again.

So, in that spirit, I decided to put some more money where my mouth is and buy a sweet tri suit. When we trained a couple years ago, Amy was terrified of wetsuits so I just decided to forego the luxury with her. Well, we have both grown and matured, which pretty much means we're not that dumb anymore. ;)

You can fully expect to see my expression harden with this kind of intensity when I'm about to hit the water with 100+ other crazy people in May. Either that, or I'll be squealing like a little girl, as was the custom a couple seasons ago. Some things maturity just can't squeeze out of you. :)

No race dates are decided yet (apart from a half marathon birthday weekend in July!), but I'm stoked to start pushing hard again!

Friday, March 13, 2009

I'll be the Elephant. You be the Zookeeper.

I can't really describe the feeling of elation that I get when my clients learn to play. For many children with Autism, abstract thinking (that is vital to play) is extremely difficult; for others, everything they see if symbolic (ask me to explain to you The Brown C), so part of my job is helping them learn to play, both functionally, socially, and imaginatively.

While some adults may find it rather humiliating to run around on their hands and knees barking like a dog and picking up a ball with their teeth, or using their arm as a trunk and giving elephant kisses; I simply love it. I love the excitement in a child's eyes (and sometimes in their flapping hands) when they learn to roll over and pant with their tongue hanging out.

And today, after yet another session of Zookeeper & Elephant with my favorite little boy (yes, I have favorites), I came home and saw this post on TED that gave me such a rush of energy---it would have been an AHA moment, had I not already known it to be SO true!

Check it out!
A pioneer in research on play, Dr. Stuart Brown says humor, games, roughhousing, flirtation and fantasy are more than just fun. Plenty of play in childhood makes for happy, smart adults -- and keeping it up can make us smarter at any age.


So get out there and PLAY!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Give it up.

I didn't grow up really celebrating the Lenten season, but when I went to Westmont I learned about the anticipation of Jesus' death and resurrection and how poignant that can be in my spiritual life. Christmas always had a well-known season, should Easter not as well?

I guess people don't get as excited about fasting, sacrificing, or surrendering earthly pleasures with the purpose of drawing nearer to their Savior, as they do holiday parties, egg nog and such. Understandable. I was (am?) right there with you.

So a few years ago, I went to chapel one day and someone put some gray stuff on my forehead and I was ushered in to the Christian tradition of Lent. Over breakfast burritos in the DC I discussed what superfluous (borderline sinful) indulgence I should give up. Dessert? Way too hard. Carbs? (Note how my Lenten sacrifice begins to resemble a diet). No, I need bread. TV? I don't watch it anyway. Gossiping? Oh, that's a good one.

I settled on Diet Coke. Let me tell you, it was rough.

Since that first season I haven't really participated wholeheartedly (that is, faithfully), and ironically, while living in one of the most Catholic countries in the world, Lent totally escaped me last year. So this year, I have been thinking about what I could abstain from that will give me more time to focus on the Lord and spend time meditating on Him and reading His word.

Don't make fun of me. Facebook.

To be honest, I didn't really think I was one who fbooked excessively. Maybe in college, but not now. However, since I added the fbook app to my iPhone, it has become a compulsion. Every time I drive between clients, have an awkward 5-10 minute break, or just can't wait to see which of my friends has the wittiest status, I just press the little icon. I haven't checked it all day, and let me tell you, I already feel disconnected. I also don't have fbook notifications sent to an email address that I ever check so I am totally out of the loop.

I'm really looking forward to the next 40 days though. I anticipate this "sacrifice" in particular doing a lot to foster that "otherworldly" mindset.

So, if you need to contact me, well....yeah, so there are still a number of virtual ways you can do it (email, blog, text), but maybe some of you will pick up the phone! Exciting. ;)


p.s. Props to Michele who inspired this decision. We'll be accountability partners;)

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Surrender Your Myth


After over 12 hours of yoga in the last couple weeks (I'm on a kick;)...I realized that the yogi's have it all wrong. Fundamentally, the entire practice is flawed. Yet, somehow, they get so much right. So, my challenge this week was to try to silence all that the wonderful, kind, soft-spoken yogi had to say while still focusing on balance, patience, endurance, and breath...or to embrace what he had to say, with my own (rather crucial) variations.

About the third or fourth class of praying that the Lord would spare me from any evil philosophy that the well-meaning master was trying to impart and trying to direct my focus and meditation to God, I realized that the yogi was, in fact, speaking truth. He just had his terminology confused. ;)

Allow me to demonstrate...

Yogi: Surrender yourself to your breath. (V: Surrender yourself to the Lord)
Your mind spends so much time trying to convince you that all of these other things are important, when really they are nothing. As you move into the shape (through life) and focus on your breath (focus on the Lord) you will find that the only truth that exists is between your breath and the love it creates in your body (between you and the love relationship you have with the Lord). It is so freeing (Amen!).

Your breath and the shape are the only things that exist. You do not exist in space or time (in it, not of it). You think you do. You move through life wanting something and then getting angry at yourself for wanting it the next moment (yep). That is all in your mind. Your mind will always wrestle with things that do not matter (mm-hm). None of those things matter. If they ceased to exist, would you? No. If your breath ceases, do you? Your breath is all there is. (God is all there is.)



So, I found with a few conscious changes, the practice of yoga to be rather uplifting. There are so many things I love about what yoga teaches. Tonight my teacher challenged us to surrender the myth that we all go around so desperately trying to write about ourselves and live into. Our reputation, our self-worth, our need for approval- and so much of it based on so little. He poked fun at the public monologues we hold to define ourselves; we update our status on Facebook and as soon as we have the moment no longer exists. It is fleeting and false. He asked challenging questions about the assumed seriousness of it all. He said, "If any of you are going to party tonight, ask yourself, would you rather walk away knowing that people thought very highly of you and lauded you with compliments, or to have had a wonderful time?"

He summed it up, "What would happen if you just stopped trying? Just stop worrying what it looks like. Find your breath." (Find GOD).


I just love his flavor of yoga. The description of Yoga Soup is "a class offering nothing, if we're lucky." It is a practice that can feel intimidating for its serious, ethereal, meditative qualities (not to mention pretzel poses and handstands) yet Eddie will weave in a little Sound of Music, a little Coldplay, a little no-name folk guy with guitar, and "I just want to dance with somebody" and pull us out of Half Moon to jump around like small children, much in the vein of Nia. Tonight, he actually played the famous song of the Academy Awards and had us ride horseback.

It is delightfully self-deprecating....although I suppose only self-deprecating if you give any weight to the self. That's the challenge. Worth considering, I think. :)

Monday, February 16, 2009

If I had a million dollars...



(Said through clenched throat, with tears of joy brimming in my eyes)
I would give everyone I possibly could a gift certificate to Nia so that they too could experience the pure euphoria of dancing like a 3-year-old-through-the- sprinklers in a room full of strangers. And solve world hunger, of course. ;)

This is literally what was going through my head as I left Yoga Soup this afternoon. I could write a lot about how dance has been unjustly appropriated by the hip-hop or club culture and thus become a cause of self-consciousness or stress rather than freedom and unfettered joy...but this post is not about a soap box....

It's about play, laughter, movement, dizziness, feeling like a tribal warrior and a tiny spright, lacking all thoughts of self and feeling the music flow out of you. It's about dancing like no one is watching. It's about shared space that is free of expectations. It's super new-age and I don't even care. It's freedom.

I got this sweet battle-scar after last week's class and didn't notice it at all as I jumped and pranced around for over an hour:)





In all seriousness, if I had a million big ones I would give it to Opportunity International. But, that's a more serious post, for a more serious time.



Go dance.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

It still feels like a new year...

I'd like to keep the "new year" mentality all year long. I love the constant feeling of being refreshed. A good long talk with an old friend can do that. A good long hike with wonderful women can do that. God's Word can do that...perhaps most poignantly of all.

Today, Britt spoke about the life of Noah and how it sheds light on our own lives of faith. It contained three simple, yet powerful tenants. And, he asserted--the order is everything.

Worship. We are created to worship our Father God and in all things give thanks to Him. Our sole purpose on this earth is to glorify His name. We must first, before all else, worship our Savior.

Walk. Part of the reason we worship God is because He has called us into relationship with Him. That in itself is an awe-inspiring concept (that might just take you back to worship:). We must daily commit ourselves to walking in faith. Whom we walk with is simple; we walk with the Lord. Our destination, is also simple; we are walking to be with Him for eternity, pressing on for the prize. The pace must be decided, but with an eternity mindset, because God is not in a hurry as we are. The path that we take is perhaps more clouded, but we are assured that He will prepare the way for us and walk with us, and the road map is spelled out in His word.

Work. We are then to approach His work, and position ourselves to be His hands, His mouthpieces, His imitators, on earth, while recognizing that He does not need us and that this too, is a privilege we have in being His children.

I love the simplicity of these three active perspectives. I want to orient my life to them. So, through many conversations and many examples set before me, I've decided to wake up an extra hour early every day to begin my day in worship, which can take many forms, and then in walking with the Lord in one concrete way (among many) and that is in reading His word. I want these two things to begin the day, instead of work. I am excited to see the fruits of this faithful discipline as many have. And simply, I am excited to come into a deeper relationship with Him every day.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

A New Year

At the risk of being redundant (after all, my last post was a recap of 1/2 of 08)- here it is anyway...

2008.

Jan 1 on a plane to Europe. 2 bags. 6 months. Little to No plan.
Florence with Abby and Greg. Alex and Eduard, Italian aggression meets Italian hospitality. Delightful pair;)
Mara picking me up at the airport in Sevilla expecting a week-long visitor (may have under-communicated a tad).
Spanish immersion....complete with a Spanish cumpanero de piso.
10 day discoteca run.
Hiatus.
Moving out of the Spaniard's apartment.
Living life at high frequency with Miss Mara DeRitter.
Visiting adopted family, the Martins, in Portugal.
Carnival Part 1: Rota. U.S. Military Men.
Carnival Part 2: Cadiz. Mob mentality.
Teaching English to my sweet old men at La Guardia Civil.
Illegal employment by the government=quintessential irony of Spain.
Morocco. Riding camels into the Sahara. Camping with Berbers. Fez.
Semana Santa.
Learning to dance like a Sevillana.
KAITLIN and V. Eurotrip 08. Barcelona. Geneva. Marseille.
El Camino de Santiago.
Being adopted into a make-shift Span-Italian familia.
Cantabria with Paige and Deyl.
Homecoming.
Jill and Kevin get hitched.
Peripatetic summer, new home base: Santa Clarita.
Noah.
Homecoming Part 2: Back to SB.
The wonderful, rowdy Mollkoys.
Growing in my desire for more of God.
Children with Autism. Learning to work for a company.
Reality Carpinteria. Homegroup. Exploring ministry/missions.
Kacie and Greg get hitched.
Searching for my place here.
Growing up just a little bit more.
Settling into to a lower frequency.
Spontaneous trip to Denver for Katie B.
Brittany makes a comeback- Oaks 5 year reunion.

Resisting the urge to wander. Practiced Contentment.
Digging my heels in for a while.
Solitude. Communities.
Prayerful, Joyful Expectancy.


My goals for 2009 are still being worked out in my mind, but I know that they will include taking more calculated risks. Calculated is the more difficult of the two. I'm naturally prone to the obvious risks, so it's more of a risk for me to stay here and fight atrophy than to move to South America (for example). But, it is one I am willing to dig into and flesh out because I know there is real growth in that. And, while I know that having clearly delineated goals is one of the main keys to success (or how else do you measure it), I'm not sure I can make any hard and fast goals for myself this year that I don't already have as part of my modus operandi. I'm in the figuring it out, stretching myself period (and probably always will be)...so I prefer to have themes or schemata for my goals and bend and move from there...

There will definitely be a physical component. I've grown fond of training my body and in so doing, challenging my will, my mind, and my spirit. I'm open to suggestions...and training partners;)

There will be an educational component. Grad classes in Applied Behavior Analysis start next week and then...? All I know is I miss school and it's time.

There will be a financial/biz element. Learning about Commercial real estate and possibilities amongst the downward trend in the Residential market (under the tutelage of my sage uncle and precocious older brother). Astutely, carefully avoiding as many taxes as possible. Making personal and familial decisions around current and future investments. Still surreal. This is one of those things that makes me feel like I'm approaching the mid-twenties, because otherwise I could be 19 and I wouldn't know the difference.;)

There will be a ministry element. Further, and more specific investment in a church family, in community.

There will be a creative element. This has always been dance for me in the past, but I think it is time to broaden my horizons or recover that lost art. I might start writing. See what comes of it.

Really, I just like thinking about these things. I think on them often, but welcome the impetus that a new year can be for a fresh start. So here's to a surprising, challenging, joyous New Year!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Recap, Re-do, Revamp

The first word of this post is overly ambitious. It's what has kept me from blogging for all of these months (at least initially, then I'm pretty sure it turned into an avoidance/laziness routine). It's not easy to recapitulate the 4 weeks I spent walking across the breadth of Spain nor all that has transpired since, but I will do my best.

No, I am no longer on the Road to Santiago. I finished the 900 kilometer trek on June 5, making it exactly one month of walking across the beautiful, peaceful countryside of Espana. It was pain, beauty, history, camaraderie, awe, loneliness, contentment, independence, prayer, determination, indulgence, simplicity, conversation, crazy Italians, crazy Spaniards, a motley crew turned international family, dirty, smelly, blistered goodness. I loved the simplicity of it, the grueling physical aspect, the eccentric strangers and cute old couples, the time I spent with Kaitlin, and more time by myself than I had ever really experienced.

After the Camino I was able to spend a long weekend with Paige and Deyl in their Spanish cottage by the sea. There is no describing what a room to myself with sheets, a big bubble bath, and the comfort of two dear friends and a lot of food can bring after such a journey. These two are an absolute gift in my life.

What followed was a peripatetic summer, still living out of a backpack while traipsing all over California reconnecting with family and friends and patiently considering the possibilities.

The following months have been so full and blessed:

~ The Collins/Davy wedding.
~ Spending more time with my new Brady family.:)
~ Spontaneous camping trip with the delightful Franks.
~ Job searching.
~ Moving into my attached studio in SB and realizing that it had been 4 months since I spent more than 3 consecutive nights in any one place.
~ Freaking out a little.
~ Patch Project.
~ Spending some wonderful time with Noah.
~ Living and Loving Team Mollkoy (Chris & Michele and their exuberant boys, Jesse & Sammy--->).
~ Behavioral therapy with Children with Autism (random, intriguing, exhausting fun).
~ Reality Carpinteria.
~ Spencer-Smith/Hengler wedding in Napa.
~ Tuesdays with Rachel.
~ Thursdays with Paige.
~ Finding a new work-out buddy when my old ones got pregnant and got a man.;)
~ Becoming a camper again with Amy.
~ Being nearer to a fire than I ever hope to be again in my life and being heart-broken for the Westmont family, then being proud and inspired by it.

Which now brings me to the present order of business: Re-do. Revamp.

I believe that a six month hiatus from the world of blogging is an appropriate time to make some changes; the most obvious being the title of this blog. There are a number of reasons I have a distaste for the old one, but suffice to say, there are some fads and phases in this post-college exploratory period that, while necessary and good, I do not wish to be tied to.

I think of myself as a Working Title. I hope to always be such. I am in a place and a mindset where I hope to be the most malleable for God's work. It is a place of expectation, of readiness, of patience, and of earnest desire. It is a place of vulnerability, which makes it difficult to share, but one thing I have learned to appreciate so much in my time abroad, in constantly meeting and talking with new people, is that our stories always seem to instruct and edify one another in the most surprising ways. I think they all, in some way, deserve to be recorded and at times shared. It will not always be a soul-searching manifesto, for at times, the light and pithy are most appropriate.

And I will say again, with a virtual *nudge*, that comments are always appreciated. Especially those of the sassmuffin variety. ;)

Besos y abrazos a todo,

V.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

The Road to Santiago

One of the reasons that I decided to move to Spain was to have the chance to do El Camino de Santiago. This historic pilgrimage marks the way to the entombed body and relic of St. James the Apostle, buried in the famous Cathedral in Santiago...just less than 800 kilometers from the traditional starting point on the French side of the Pyrenees mountains- St. Jean Pied-de-Port.

I had planned to do this pilgrimage sola, but by God's amazing timing and unexpected plan, my dear friend Kaitlin decided to quit her job, join her mom on a brief sojourn in Italy, and then explore the north of Spain with me! She is going to travel with me and do the first two weeks, which will no doubt be the hardest. Kaitlin and I are wonderful opposites in a lot of ways, which makes her the perfect compliment to my journey. I told my dad last night that he could rest easy, I have a faithful perfectionist by my side. We have calendars, maps, itineraries, passport copies, a security belt...all her! I plan to throw it all out the window on our first train, but shh...don't tell.

We are off to Barcelona today, then to Geneva, and across the south of France (Marseille, Bayonne) before reaching the starting point. It's amazing that I had time at all to blog today, and it is no doubt my hastiest attempt yet. We leave in one hour and I am not done packing!!

It's all part of the adventure...

I will be largely incommunicado over the next six weeks, so do not fret if you do not hear from me. Besos a todos! :)

Monday, April 14, 2008

"Sevilla tiene un color especial"


Call Andalusia old-fashioned, unproductive, over-indulgent, if you will...as I sometimes do when the "siesta" cramps my consumer habits, when the "bar creatures" in the Guardia Civil never cease to hit on me when I duck in to use the bathroom, or when I order vegetables and they inevitably come doused in oil or deep-fried...but this week, no one can complain!


At midnight last Monday, thousands of Sevillianos and extranjeros braving the rain and ferocious winds, huddled together drinking rebujitos in one great botellón, for the traditional lighting of the Portada. With a marching band playing rambas and flamencos, the group surged forward to pass through the huge entranceway, newly designed and constructed every year to welcome you to FERIA de Abril!!

For 10 months of the year the Feria grounds are a wasteland and an occasional parking lot for big city-wide events, but two months before this particular week the crews begin constructing row upon row of little houses called casetas, each owned by different companies, member associations, or wealthy families. The casetas are elaborately decorated, inside and out, with wallpaper, antique mirrors, classic Feria posters, furniture, stages, full-service bars, kitchens, and bathrooms. They are arranged in a huge grid that runs more than 7 street blocks, with street names and barrios of their own.

Going to the fair is anticipated all year long. Dirt floor, carnival rides, circus animals, greasy food, bad weather, or not...you dress up for Feria. The women come in elaborate, colorful flamenco dresses, with flowers and dazzling combs on top of their heads and matching mantoncillos around their shoulders. The men traditionally wore bull-fighter style suits (as Feria also marks the beginning of bull-fighting season), but for a long time now have donned a classic suit and tie, unless, that is, they are one of the privileged few who ride a horse to the fair, as this age-old tradition requires the age-old attire!






Feria is one huge flamboyant, clamorous, lively, spectacle...yet, somehow, elegant and refined. The majority of casetas are private, which means invite-only. You must know a member of these casetas to be allowed in. Luckily, between all of us girls, we had plenty of invitations and were usually allowed to bring the group. Mara also brought me along to meet her host families from her study-abroad days in their casetas.





Each caseta is filled with families, friends, co-workers, neighbors, all drinking and eating and dancing the night away. This is a very special moment for Sevillanos, who don't often have the opportunity to entertain all of their gente in one place as the majority of them live in pisos no where near large enough for parties such as these.








Mara and I spent the last two months taking private Sevillanas dancing lessons with a Spanish friend, spending hours agonizing over which dress to buy (they average around 200euro), and carefully choosing our accessories....we were ready. We dazzled the Sevillanos at each caseta we attended with our confidence and ability and were the envy of many the extranjero, who only wished they had the movement in their sangre, as we seemed to have. We were at times mistaken for Sevillanas, which brought immediate grins to our faces and unavoidably betrayed our true identities. We danced until six in the morning the last three nights of Feria and wrapped up the whole experience by eating churros with chocolate sauce in the street, as all of the exuberant Spaniards do in the wee morning hours of Feria.















Having experienced it, in all it's authentic, joyful, glory...I will now dare to say, there is nothing I love more about Sevilla than Feria! Hasta el proximo...Ole'!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A glossary for my readers...:)

"Sevilla tiene un color especial" ~ title of popular song (and expression)
extranjero ~ foreigner
rebujito ~ traditional Feria drink of Manzanilla (sherry) and 7up
botellón ~ gathering and drinking in the street, think "tail-gate"
portada ~ façade
feria ~ fair
caseta ~ stand, stall
barrio ~ neighborhood
mantoncillo ~ flamenco shawl
gente ~ people
piso ~ apartment
Sevillanas ~ regional version of flamenco dancing
sangre ~ blood
Hasta el proximo ~ Until next time

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Alpujarra Adventure

I think I have become more of an outdoorsy person than I was before moving to Sevilla. I have always enjoyed a numerous amount of outdoor activities, but I'm talking outdoorsy, like escape to a mountain town, spend hours without a soul in sight (unless you believe animals have souls because there were plenty of those), not showering for days, woodsy kind of "outdoorsy." I crave the outdoors like I never have before and only there do I feel free, at peace, and refreshed.


That's what last weekend was. I took a bus to Granada (a beautiful city with a
Moroccan/Berkeley feel to it that I will describe more another time) and hitched another bus a few hours later to La Alpujarra. This is a region in the snow-capped Sierra Nevada mountains with tiny pueblos blancos nestled up into the hillside, home to many an ex-pat of the fruit and nut or British mutton eating varieties. Unbeknownst to me, I had booked a hostel for the night in the farthest town possible, which meant a three and a half hour windy bus ride through all the villages. I am so glad for this hasty travel blunder because it meant that I got a 6euro tour through the quaint and pristine countryside.

Arriving in Trevelez much later than I expected, I hiked (seriously, it was a 20 minute straight up hike) to my hostel in Barrio Medio and pounded on the caretakers' door just as twilight faded over the hills. I was greeted by a boisterous bickering British couple, who ushered me in, lit my heater, showed me every function and every nook and cranny of my little apartment, teasing each other mercilessly in the process, and thoroughly entertaining me. I was sad to let them go.

After getting settled in I went up the hill to Barrio Alto to have a look at the whole town and then popped in to a bar where I sat and had a beer and free tapas (courtesy of this region of Andalusia that has yet to commercialize the tradition) and then up to the restaurant for a lovely meal. I was surrounded on all sides with middle-aged British couples and realized in the process just how strange it feels to hear English as the common language in a public place.

The next day I woke up early, packed a bag with fruit and nuts (I'm not the mutton eating kind...;) and head up into the hills. I could see snow at the top of the mountain above me and decided I was going to touch it, which is actually quite silly because it was way further than it appeared as I found out as I reached the first crest. My disappointment quickly dissipated as I came face to face with a handful of wild horses...or what I thought were wild until the next surprise visitors appeared. Well, actually, I heard them before I saw them. Clink clink, clink clink. A curious sheep stuck it's head up and stared me down, the big bell around it's neck silencing for those brief moments of examination. The sheep quickly became disinterested in me and went back to its grazing. I walked amongst them for some time and sat on a rock outcropping for a while taking in the expansive valley, still hazy with morning light and dew.
I could hear church bells from down in Trevelez and realized it was Sunday. Since moving to Spain I have often missed worshiping in church as I did at home, but today, I decided to do it, with no one but God and the animals listening. The wind stole my voice and pressed at my body as I stood on the precipice looking out over "all the mountains and the valleys of the earth." I couldn't imagine a better service. I finished up with a scary yoga-balancing act and continued on my way.

As I walked back down the mountain I began to follow the canals of water that the town had created to direct the run-off from the mountain snow. It led me all the way back to where I started at a community fountain, with crisp, refreshing, mountain spring water. One of the cool things about the town was that everywhere you walked in the streets you could hear the sound of running water under you. It was so awesome to see a natural life-sustaining process.

I left Trevelez completely refreshed, in more ways than one. And, an added benefit...I gained a new smell! The funny thing is, I don't know what it is. All I can describe it as is "mountainy" because I can't place it otherwise...it might be a tree, or an herb, but whatever it is, it's nature and I was so happy to smell it! :)

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Semana Santa



Holy week in Sevilla begins well before the middle of March. I had heard talk of it since I arrived, but right around the beginning of February I turned a corner late one night on my way home and ran into this. The shock brought to mind a combination of some kind of medieval torture ritual and the local vagrant being made an example of in the town square, one day in the stocks for stealing a loaf of bread. No- this was the prelude to Semana Santa. A grid formation of 25 men carry a statue of Jesus Cristo that depicts some point of passage during his final week, the trial, the flogging, carrying his cross, his crucifixion, burial, and finally the resurrection.





There are two floats per Paso (passage in English)...the second is the Virgin because in the Roman Catholic tradition, Jesus is most often accompanied by his mother.



During Semana Santa there are on average 5-6 Pasos a day, but on the biggest days, Thursday and Friday, Pasos run all day and night. Each one lasts for hours on end as thousands of Nazeranos (or penitentes--sinners) wearing the traditional robe and head-piece to conceal their identities, precede and follow the main events (Jesus and Mary). Some Pasos have a marching band accompaniment that adds a morose or conquering affect to the procession. Others are silent. With crowd cooperation, all you can hear is the shuffling of the men's feet.

In the wee hours of the morning, on the night of his death, surrounded by thousands of people, we stood in silence and watched as an carefully and intricately sculpted image of Jesus hung on the cross. It was haunting and beautiful and very personal, yet so communal. People held their children. Otherwise rowdy and obnoxious teenagers stood still. All attention was focused on our Savior. I prayed for the people surrounding me, that this rapture would move beyond tradition and culture and right to their hearts and souls. And, it was finished.

Over the next two days the enthusiasm seemed to fade in the city, which gave Easter a strangely anti-climactic feeling- exactly the opposite of what I am used to. Anique and I went to mass with her Senora and had the privilege to worship in another language and tradition. I appreciated the experience so much, but did miss the joyful worship of the churches at home.

My comprehension of Spanish is still lacking quite a bit, but I almost felt lucky for that fact during the service because the few phrases that the priest repeated were really the only thing that stuck with me. I meditated on these words, as the others naturally drowned out. "Siempre estoy contigo." Always I am with you. At the end of the service as we exchanged "Paz contigo" (peace be with you) with the warmth of a strangers cheek and a light kiss, I remembered the first time I went to a Catholic mass, and felt strangely at home as sometimes the slightest similarities and memories can evoke. As they began the Lord's Prayer, the cadence the same, I whispered the same in English and instinctively turned my hands upward, not realizing at the time the power that memory can have.

Christ has risen..... verdaderamente ha resucitado.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Alhayatjamila


"This life is beautiful."

The Moroccan adventure...

It began at the crack of dawn, boarding a bus in Sevilla, not knowing a soul, but not minding in the least. I have a huge aversion to group tours, even those that last a couple hours, let alone a week, but I was told this is the only way a Caucasian woman could do Morocco, and I wasn't about to pass it up. On the ferry I met a group of girls (American study abroad students) and we became inseparable friends instantly. Juliana and Anique and I spent hours and hours on the bus together, processing all that we were seeing, sharing our lives, getting to that real straight talk about souls that we crave and love. Days later we would be dancing down a massive sand dune in the Sahara desert to the sound of drumming in our camp, unable to tear ourselves away from the beauty of the sand and the deep blue sky, striking warrior pose on the cliff like crazy moon-worshiping yogis, breathless, elated, and alive.

As we drove through the port town of Tangiers almost the entire bus of boisterous young travelers was silent as we looked out into the streets, not unlike those of Tijuana (in fact, Tangiers is often called the Tijuana of Morocco), filled with men, with hardly a woman in sight. The few we did see in those first few hours were covered, head to toe in the traditional burkha. I hated that this gave me a hollow feeling, but it was such a hollow town. Days later, as we crossed through Tangiers, sunburned, plump, and happy, we were again slapped with an ugly reality of this beautiful country that we loved, as young boys jumped on the back of our bus and tried to crawl underneath- to stowaway to a better life, with nothing on their backs. This was a stark contrast to the country we had come to love over the previous week. A country full of music, color, faith, beautiful simplicity, ancient practices, always a cup of tea and smiling faces...

The first couple days of the trip were spent making our way down to the Sahara. Although we spent a lot of time on the bus, we were able to see a lot of the country, from the capital city of Rabat, to the high Atlas mountains, to the Lake of Tears (a beautiful legend told to us one night by a Berber man), to desert oasis's, to the heart of the Sahara. We stopped outside of the Sahara at nightfall and transferred to 4x4s for the last stretch. I felt like I was in Indiana Jones as more than 15 SUV's tore across the open desert, each on their own frenetic path, racing to our destination.

The hotel was beautiful and luxurious. We were told that Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett stayed there while filming Babel. There was a huge feast and a never-ending drum circle after dinner. We danced outside under the stars and an extremely rare and brief rainstorm, and talked with a Berber whose story simply must be shared.

Jamal (pictured next to the fire below) can speak 10 languages, all of them European varieties and also Japanese, but has never set foot in a school and cannot read or write even his own native languages (Berber and Arabic). As a boy he came across a car that was lost and stranded in the desert, with a Spanish family inside. The first words he learned were "a la derecha" and "a la isquierda" as he directed them to his village where his family fed them and let them stay for the night. The next day, the family offered to repay him for his kindness by taking him with them to see his country. He went with them to Marakesh, and further west, where he saw the ocean for the first time. He said that he stood in front of it and wept. He could not imagine that a body of water that large existed...how could these people have so much? His whole life was spent in search of enough water to survive. For the week he was there he slept every night on the beach because he did not want to leave the ocean and the hotel felt altogether too foreign to him. He went back and told all his friends about the sea and vowed to himself he would go back. Knowing a little Spanish now, he began leading camel expeditions for tourists into the Sahara. This is how he slowly learned all of the languages he now speaks with an almost undetectable accent. When he was 12, having saved enough money, he left his family and went back to Marakesh and on to the ocean. A local shopkeeper noticed after about a week that he was living out on the street and offered him a job. He worked there until he was 18 when he returned to the desert to work in the hotels. He is now an internationally known musician who has performed for the king of Morocco and Spain. He will even be in New York and California for the first time in July!

The next afternoon, after spending a leisurely morning by the pool (and having the most ridiculous massage of my life- I thought France was intimate- yikes!), we loaded onto a long train of camels and road into the desert to camp with the Berbers. After arriving at our camp we all climbed a massive sand dune to watch the sun set over the desert. I traipsed a bit farther along the crests of the dunes to get a bit further away from the group. The desert has an amazing quiet and stillness that gave me such a sense of peace. It was an awe-inspiring ethereal experience. The rest of that night was spent around a fire, dancing to Berber drums and singing about Africa.







After the Sahara I could have died happy, but on we went to Fez. The medina in Fez was a completely different whirlwind experience. We spent a whole day wandering through the narrow streets, trying not to get trampled by donkeys loaded with everything from rugs, to construction materials, to coca cola cases. We were introduced to Moroccan spices, rug-making, and a tannery that was built in the 7th century and has been run by 25 families through the generations. There were stacks and stacks of animal skins, pools of pigeon feces (used to soften the skins), and a tremendous array of colors to die the leather. It was at once the most nauseating and fascinating of our experiences. And talk about nauseating...in the market chickens heads were chopped off in front of us and bloody goat heads hung as prized commodities, but I was thrilled by all of it. There is nothing I like more than a truly authentic experience...and lucky for me, I couldn't smell much of it. ;)






















































Morocco represented a lot of firsts for me...

The first time I was in an Islamic country. One of my favorite things about Moroccan culture, infused as it is with Islamic tradition, is the custom of saying "Inshallah," which means "God willing" (in Spanish, "Si Dios quiere"). It is said when someone so much as remarks on the itinerary for the day...our guide would say, "We will walk around the Medina and have lunch at the old palace around noon, Inshallah." Perhaps more meaningfully, it is said along with man's hope for the future..."I hope that one day you will return to Morocco and we will meet again, Inshallah." It is a constant reminder of their focus, their perspective, and their faith.

Morocco was also the first country I had been in with a true monarchical system. Even more foreign than the idea of a medieval age-style ruling king was the fact that everyone loved him! As we drove into Fez we were greeted by scores of people lining the main street that leads to the king's palace in Fez (for he has many). The king was due to return home after a few months away and the people were there to greet him as his car drove through. The western world and modernity are being woven into this uber-traditional society, but somehow without the cry for a voice, for representation, for democracy.

Although parts of Mexico have the same kind of poverty as Morocco, this was my first time in a third world country. My first time in Africa. I don't want to belabor this point because I know the extent to which the bleeding heart of Africa is exposed, I am sure many of you can call to mind images of poverty, so I prefer to tell the other story. As we reached our first stop on the way to the Sahara, a beautiful hotel bedecked with typically Moroccan rugs and ornate detail on every corner of every edifice, and were greeted by a rowdy band parade complete with a criss-cross trumpet arch (think AYSO soccer post-game parents tunnel) beckoning us through the front door, I became extremely aware that Morocco was putting on its best face for us. This was true of the whole trip. Everywhere we went we were served feasts, our heads were wrapped in colorful turbans, we were offered fine hand-made goods (and some not so fine), we enjoyed endless musical nights, for this is a country literally run on tourism.

Even with the prevalence of foreigners, however, this was the first time I felt truly foreign...a combination of being in surroundings that I could not liken to anything else I had ever seen and being treated as a bright, shiny, foreign good of some kind. It is a feeling of self-awareness and vulnerability that I had never before experienced. I have never been so aware of my skin, my hair, my eyes...and my sex. Men are so vocal, which I thought I had become accustomed to living in Spain, but no...much more so, in Morocco. One amusing example: As our group left the rug shop in Fez, a local store-owner sat outside his stall offering camels as payment, evaluating our worth as he saw fit. Dad, you will be proud to know that he offered 3,000 camels for me, well above the others. I think it's because all the girls took on these deer-in-the-headlights faces as we walked by, but I could not help but have a spark of laughter in my eyes. For the most part, I found the whole thing very amusing, but having been there I will give credence to the warnings for women to not travel Morocco alone...as much as I still balk at that fact.




With it's many faces, it's natural beauty contrasted with it's poverty-stricken cities, it's gracious and inviting culture and it's harsh and intimidating gender lines, more than anything, I will say of this country and it's people, Alhayatjamila, this life is beautiful.

I will return to Morocco someday, Inshallah.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

On the Road

This weekend I took a day trip by myself and discovered a perfect gem a couple hours south of Sevilla-- Ronda. The town was built way up on a hill, surrounded by rolling hills colored Crayola Green, mountain peaks, and a clear blue sky. Right through the middle of the town is a small river that over time has formed a huge gorge. The two sides of the town are connected by a bride that spans 98m!

The best part is that this amazing natural wonder, combined with man's feat of engineering and strength, is completely unexpected. The bus drove up the sloping side of the hill and right into the newer part of town. Newer is all relative here because it is still very historic in appearance, but relatively commercial as well. You walk through the town past banks and shops and restaurants and are suddenly at the brink of a massive gorge! The other side is considered the true "historic" part, containing a classic cathedral and a fortress wall. The amazing thing about Spain is that there are so little safeguards and precautions taken so they let you climb all over without supervision! ;)

I guess they don't have to worry about insurance on a 13th century Moorish wall?

I cannot imagine how much fun it would be for kid to grow up in Ronda! So many things to climb, so many forts to discover and build...who am I kidding? I was a kid in Ronda! I came out of the gorge after hours of breathless ecstatic exploration, with leaves in my hair and mud on my boots and unknowingly waltzed into a 5 star restaurant (I was just looking for a good view), ignoring the ever well-dressed Spaniards lingering over 3-4 hour lunches. I lunched with Jack Kerouac, eagerly devouring a 3 course meal complete with a whole trout and lingering for a couple hours with Jack in my lap**, two glasses of wine- one for meal, one for dessert (on the house, naturally ;) and a spectacular view.

With what was left of the afternoon I stumbled upon a Wine museum and decided to relieve my sun-scathed skin and already sore muscles with a little viticulture. I love the history and art of wine-making, the beauty of wine country, and well, wine in general so it was a fine choice to top off a perfect day. :)



** I'm reading the unedited original scroll version of On the Road, which apparently Kerouac wrote in a 3 week haze of Benzedrine on a continuous sheet of typewriter paper, stretching out 119', "the road", literally, unfolds. There are no page or paragraph breaks at all. It is an endless, frenetic, stream of conscious, often nonsensical, constantly horrifying, surprisingly poignant, artful mess of a story. Because I have loved it so much, I just thought I would share some of my favorite passages so far with you...

"Although Gene was white there was something of the wise and tired old Negro in him, and something very much like Hunkey the NY dope addict in him, but a railroad Hunkey, a traveling epic Hunkey, crossing and recrossing the country every year, south in the winter and north in the summer and only because he has no place he can stay without getting tired of it and because there's nowhere to go but everywhere, and keep rolling under the stars, generally the western stars."

"Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk---real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious."

"A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too-big world of ours. The announcer called the LA bus. I picked up my bag and got on it; and who should be sitting alone in it, but the Mexican girl. I sat right opposite her and began scheming right off. I was so lonely, so sad, so tired, so quivering, so broken, so beat---all of it had been too much for me---that I got up my courage, the courage necessary to approach a strange girl, and acted."

"We turned a dozen paces, for love is a duel, and looked at each other for the last time."

"It was the end of the continent, no more land. Somebody had tipped the American continent like a pinball machine and all the goofballs had come rolling into LA in the southwest corner. I cried for all of us. There was no end to the American sadness and the American madness. Someday we'll all start laughing and roll on the ground when we realize how funny it's been. Until then there is a lugubrious seriousness I love in all this."

(emphasis added)